June 2011
1 post
This one time, I got into MENSA. I’m not tryin’ to brag or nothing; it just happened. Well, I took the test, so I guess I put that ball into motion. I only took the test because David Sedaris took it (en français), and he gave me the idea to do it too. The test was given in a local library. At that time I still smoked cigarettes, and I also had a broken foot. (I don’t know...
March 2011
1 post
5 tags
tellyphone shenanigans
This one time, on April Fool’s Day, I played some epic phone pranks on my friends. I don’t usually do prank calls, but I love April Fool’s pranks, and these friends were all hundreds of miles away from me. I mostly communicate with these friends via Internet, so they weren’t very familiar with my voice. I put on my thinking cap, got out my phonebook, and went to work.
...
December 2010
1 post
August 2010
1 post
gay porn lolz
This one time, when I was in high school, one of my best friends was (and still is) Kyle. Kyle is gay. I pierced both of his ears with an ear-piercing kit sold at Walgreens. He was so anxious to get his ears pierced that I did it in the parking lot of Walgreens in my dad’s Dodge Neon. His ear piercings turned out awesome, if I do say so myself. And I do say so myself.
Another time, I...
June 2010
2 posts
defying death at 65 mph
This one time, prolly about eight or so years ago, I was driving through Wisconsin. I was on the long trek on I-94 that bisects the state diagonally, and around Wisconsin Dells, I was cruisin’ right along in the left lane. I was passing a string of cars that were behind a lumber truck, and all of a sudden, one of the cars shot out in front of me. I was a bit cheesed off, but then I looked...
May 2010
5 posts
bird cooties
This one time, I was at the Milwaukee County Zoo. My mom was donating blood and got free entry, and I tagged along as her plus-one. While she was doing her thing, I wandered around and went to the aviary. I was walking through, just minding my business, when a large bird (I can’t remember what) flew over me and clipped me in the back of the head with its belly and feet. I pitched forward...
dumbest customer ever
This one time, I was working at a gas station in the Midwest. A woman came in complaining about a gas pump malfunctioning. A coworker went out to investigate, and came back in laughing. Turns out her gas tank was full. As she tried to pump, gas was flowing down the side of her car.
She spilled about 50¢ worth of gas in the process. She did not pay for it.
“BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company....”
– JIMMY FALLON, Late Night
(via the New York Times)
(via inothernews)
(via palahniukandchocolate)
(via jayparkinsonmd)
who'sawhatnow?
I really have no idea what I’m doing here at tumblr. I guess sometimes I find Twitter too limiting?
I will probably just turn this into a place to post photos of my cat.
